The Next Chapter

Good Morning,

I know, i know, i have not blogged in about 2 weeks. In the last two weeks I've been going through a roller coaster of emotions. I've been up, I've been down, Whitney is dead, Mardi Gras was a blast, I almost went to prison..lol...all sorts of things happened. it was on that roller coaster that i learned so much about myself. in this weight lost journey that i am on, i figured out how much you actually go through. its not like you have issues with other people, its more about dealing with yourself. In the last 8 weeks, i got to know myself. i got to know myself because, i was put in an uncomfortable situation and forced to deal with it. i have learned that if you really want to do something, you can. in order for you to accomplish what you want to do, you have to make the decision yourself. Other people will always try to influence you, but until you have a come to Jesus meeting with your self it wont happen. For years my sweet, dear, hilarious mother tried to help me lose weight.  On some Sundays, when i was little we would go to Lubys for Sunday lunch. I could care less about the Sunday school lesson, or about what the preacher was talking about, my focus was on lunch. I loved going to Luby's because it was cafeteria style, you had all this food to choose from. My favorite meal was mac and cheese, a salad with cups of ranch, and these little square fried fish. My mother had a rule though, I could only go back once, and i could only get one thing. I was a little fat kid. The whole time i was eating i was deciding what item i was going to get, it always ended up being the square fried fish. My mother was trying to prevent me from becoming the size i am now. She wanted me to be healthy and happy. Years later i was that scary size, and it was an uncomfortable size. When you get on a scale and you look at the number and its 404 pounds, it blows you away. A baby elephant weighs 200 pounds, i was two baby elephants. think about that yall, two baby elephants. i remember nights laying in my bed, just wanting to die. I was financially unstable, i was so big that i had to pre-tie my own shoes, i never felt loved only used to those Chub chasers ( heyyyyyy), and i really wanted to just end it. But i chose to live. I chose to love, i chose to laugh, and live life. I made a decision not for anybody else but for myself. It an awesome feeling to know that you are in charge of your life. My idol and hero Lady O..Oprah that is once said.." You are responsible for the energy you bring towards people" There is positive energy and negative energy. I had to understand that most of the energy i was bringing was so negative not by choice, but because i was living a negative lifestyle. What positive can come out of a 400 pound man, in his bed, in his underwear, eating left over ribblets, drinking a 2 liter Pepsi. NOTHING. All it took was one picture, one outside view into my world  for me to say this is it. Im gonna post that picture so yall can see. In the last 8 weeks i have grown into a person that i never thought i would be. Instead of thinking about food, i think about running. Instead of trying to see how many wings i can eat, i push myself to do more burpees( burpees still can go to hell, i hate them). Its been a major change, all the clothes in my closet fit, Ill still be wearing my red tech vest its so comfortable. My shoes fit better, i don't get bed cramps in the middle of the night. I no longer get scared when watching tv in my room because i hear a wheezing noise, and think its a bug or something, when only to find out its me breathing. LOL. It has been a total lifestyle change, and its an awesome feeling. Im going to be honest I still get the feeling for nasty food and i will definitely eat it, but i know what the punishment is and what i have to do after i eat it. Seriously y'all a total change and i love it. Again with Oprah, i know, Lady O says you have to go on to the next chapter in your life. Some people stay in the same chapter and never grow, never learn, and never expound. I want to learn and grow. With that being said my next chapter will not be with Versus. I have enjoyed every minute, especially when Nathan would demonstrate a squat. I have enjoyed spending my growing times withe the OGM's who are just plain awesome. They have kids, church, husbands, bills and that the other stuff that comes with life, but they still put forth great effort, and inspire me every workout. I have to thank Nathan, he is a great trainer, positive, encouraging, and willing to work with you. He is a silent man, you should always fear a silent man, they have powers beyond our reach. He is responsible for the success i have had because he believed in me and showed me the extra concern and time. I want to thank Mike and Steve for letting me come to their gym and try to take over. I still have control issues. Mike thank you for always encouraging me, in your own, awkward way LOL..thanks Homie! Steve its strange beacuse i have known you for a long time, you helped me get through the WDAM Biggest Loser when you worked at smoothie king. You would always tell me to come out to this gym, where there was no air, and none of that fancy stuff, and i never would. I wish i had come 4 years ago, how different my life would be now. For all of my followers thank you for you time, concern, encouragement, words of wisdom, and little tips. I thank all of you for reading every week, you all have made me feel like a superstar. i remember being at work serving people and they would be like " are you Matt?" i would say yes, they would say " I just love reading your blog" i really felt famous, thank yall for that. When i win an oscar or grammy ill be sure to thank you. Thank you to my wonderful family, My mom, she stopped reading the blogs because i cursed too much, My Dad for being encouraging and never trying to give me advice..lol. My little sister for sending me a t-shirt that i soon will be able to wear, and for the "Shout Out" as the young people say. My brother for being just awesome, he has always been my protector and best friend. I want to thank all of my friends. I love each and every one of you. From Bayside high, to the OGG's, to my sweet angels. But most of all id like to thank the Lord. Thank you for giving me the strengh, courage, and wisdom to push forward in this journey. I know that i may not live a right as you would like, but you are always there, and i thank you. One of my favorite scriptures that i love to read, and i try to gain a better understanding of is. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. (Philippians 4:6)

My next chapter will be swimming, running, and weight lifting. Beach season is coming up and i really want to have my shirt off at the beach this year. hopefully i wont scare any small children. Thank you for being on this journey with me, and as i venture into the next chapter i hope you will stay and discover what happens. ( I sound like a PBS commercial) 

I Didn't Know my own Strength

Good Morning,

I was a little tired yesterday to write the blog after the work-out. Valentines day really sucked. I hate being alone, but i love it at the same time. I didnt have to buy any gifts, or candy and I got to spend time alone with myself watching TV. Im so cool! Yesterday's workout was pretty amazing. Its funny that now i kind of get excited going to work out. When you see results, you get extremely encouraged, and all this energy just wraps its self around you, and you feel confident. Our warm-up was a little dull in my opinion, i think its because im getting used to doing it. Our workout was an intense one to say the least. We started out on the bikes, i of course picked out the Jane Fonda bike, Barbara and Karen got the good ones, and Nettelton got the one that didn't work all that well. When we got on the bikes i was thinking that this was going to be easy and over soon. NOT. We had to sprint on the bike for 20 seconds and rest for ten, we did 8 rounds of this. when we got done we all felt like toddlers trying to walk for the first time, gummy legs, and you couldn't understand anything we were saying because we were breathing so hard. Luckily i didn't poop my pants. Riding that damn bike aint no joke. Our morning workout consisted of Burpee-pushups, Kettle bell squats, and sit ups. We had to do 7 of each AMRP for 12 min. Flossy was feeling fine, but you know how she can act up, so instead of the push up burpees i had to ride Jane( thats what he said...da dun chee)! My relationship with Jane is growing. It was a great workout. When i get up in the morning i dread driving to versus, but when i leave i feel like a Million Dollar Bill. I also like going to walmart after to buy veggies and fruits. I walkin with my sweat staind work-out clothes and my cut off gloves, saying to myself " look at all these fat asses in here" You would think I have lost 200 pounds, ive only lost 21 officially, but i feel skinny. It is an amazing feeling to see your body transform daily. Soon enough i wont have to look in the mirror to see my whoo-haa. ( sorry mama). Last year i bought this amazing grey shirt for the Mardi Gras. When i came home i couldnt even button the shirt, so i just hung it up in closet. When i started the lifesyle change, i said that this Mardi Gras i will have that shirt on. As we all are aware the number one diva Ms. Whitney Elizabeth Houston has passed away. She was my favorite singer and entertainer. There will never be a voice like hers again. On her last album there is a song called " I didnt know my own strength". In the song she talks about how survived her darkest hour, she wasn't built to break, she crashed down, she tumbled, but she didn't crumble, she got through all the pain. The grey shirt was a symbol of everything i had let happen to myself. It represented all the bad habbits, the heartache, the tears, the jokes, the name calling, the looks and the stares.  As i walked passed this shirt it let me know i had let something conquer and command my life. Just like whitney i was addicted to food. it was constantly on my mind, all day everyday. even as a child while other children were playing i was inside watching Justin Wilson learning how to cook gumbo and fry fish. Which i have to say i make the best gumbo, and ill blow your head off if you think its not the best. I have had this addiction for 20 something years, and it has controlled me. i was playing, I didnt know my own strength, when i walked pass the shirt hanging in the hallway. I got a hammer and took it off the wall, i went into the bathroom and started buttoning it from the top, and after each button another tear fell, and at the end a smile. I had conquered  the beast. I was no longer under this addiction. seriously, i didn't know i had all this strength, built inside of me. Often times life makes us feel like David, and its Goliath. It throws all this stuff at us, stands tall and intimidating. If we take the time to look inside our hearts, minds, and souls we can find that beast and conquer it. Find your strength,  i found mine!

Ole Flossy

Good Morning,

Another day another dolla, make ya wanna holla! I just felt like good morning wasn't enough. It feels great to be back at the gym. I could not make it on Tuesday due to my Torn ACL...just kidding folks. My knee was hurting pretty bad, and I took a Tylenol PM, i missed the alarm, and missed the work-out. I did not know that most of the OGMs had missed on Tuesday as well. Nathan sent us, an angry email, needless to say it was a packed house this morning.  Sometimes I feel like he is Napoleon and we are his french soldiers, im sure i would have been a captain in the french army. We are all back on track, and I promise not to miss another work-out, except for Fat Tuesday. Our workout this morning was a little rough. We need a normal warm-up and stretching.  The workout this morning was 5 stations. We each had a partner, one would work, while the other rested. Each partner worked out for 30 seconds. After the 30 seconds we would switch to the next station. The stations were Bur-pees ( can i just say i hate bur-pees, i hate bur pees more than i hate Katherine Heigle, she just annoys the piss out of me), Sit-ups, prisoner lunges, squat thrust, and rig rows. everything was going well until old Flossy started to hurt. Flossy is the name of my left knee, i figured if i named it she would treat me better and stop hurting. Flossy don't play y'all.  Since flossy wanted to be a bitch this morning, i had to stop doing the regular work-out and get on that damn bike. That bike really isn't that bad, its just that its from 1974, and i swear it was signed by Jane Fonda. I felt like the kid in the back of the classroom with the building blocks, but i made it through. I bought a knee brace for flossy, but it was too little, so ill be getting another one soon, and hopefully i can workout with the rest of the group normally. The OGMs are some real warriors. These women work, have all these kids, they go to church, they have to eat healthy food, they have cycles ( i assume) and they still come out and put forth a great effort. They are always encouraging and uplifting. I'm happy im in their group. Often times ill look over at the Skinny group on the other side of the gym, they are jumping on boxes, doing pull ups with big rubber bands, wresting alligators, stopping asteroids, and ending world hunger. On our side we are talking, laughing, sweating, thinking about that damn krispy kreme red hot sign, and Burger Kings new fries. We get our shit done though. Its lots of hard work, but we encourage each other knowing it will all be over soon. Im beyond thankful to have these ladies by my side, one day will will be jumping on boxes, and using rubber bands for pull ups. It aint gonna happen this week though. After our work-out I had a private consultation with the PT. Nathan told me to cut out allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll sugar. In my head i was like, ill die with out it, but i made a pledge for the next four weeks to go HAM and give up the sugar. HAM is an urban rap word for Hard as a Mother-F*&%$#$. I dont suggest you use it in your everyday vernacular ( yeah that's right, i just used that word, this blog is riddled with grammatical errors and plenty of mis-spelled words, but i used a big word, and im pretty sure i used to wrong but it sounds like some New York Times stuff). No more sugar and more lean meats and veggies. Its all about a lifestyle change, not a diet. I am determined to get healthy and stay healthy.

Reality Check

Good Morning,

Sorry for the delay in posting. I must admit I'm not happy with myself at this point. I have not lost as much weight as i wanted to, and it seems like i keep making horrible decisions. I had a recent conversation with some friends about accountability. Its my belief that you have to be accountable for yourself, you can not blame others for the mistakes and decisions you make. The only person you can blame is yourself. This week has been a major reality check for me. I have made some horrible eating decisions and im really pissed with myself. i said i would give full disclosure on everything so here it goes.  When i got off work Friday i was feeling amazing, i had money in my pocket, bills were paid, and it was Friday. My good friend, and Angel-wannabe Allison was in town from New York. My good friend and Original Olive Garden Gangsta, Sherri was here from New Orleans. I knew this was gonna be a rough weekend for me to stay on course. It all started after i picked up some dry-cleaning, which was two months old. They always give me a look like they hate me when i pick it up, but it saves on closet space..think about it. I came home and tried on a shirt and jeans i hadn't worn in three months, they were so loose, i was extremely proud of myself. Like a crack head, i went to the JR food mart and picked up some crack, White powder donuts and chocolate milk.  Just like a crack-head I was at the counter nervous and shaking, constantly looking around praying that i would see anybody who reads my blogs or knows me. As soon as i handed him the cash like Tyrone Biggums i was like " put it in a bag man, put it in a bag." I walk out of the gas station with the crack clinched to me like a 96 year-old woman with her purse waiting on a bus in Compton. I sat there in my car thinking over and over about this horrible choice i made. Even though it was probably the best taste in the world, it tasted and felt horrible going down. I was beyond ashamed. I slowly got over it, and got back on the right track, so i thought. Later that night we went out to eat. I did well i had some pesto chicken with no pasta, substitute extra green beans. I even ate Ashlee's left over salad, which i normally would never do. I felt amazing, we went to the bar after, i had diet coke and just relaxed. As we left this country dancing bar, which i will never go back to..only for you Allison. Outside they were selling Domino's Pizza. I worked for Domino's Pizza for 7 years and that pizza never smelled so good. This challenge i passed, only because all of my friends would soon be walking out, and the distance from the selling point to my car was too long for me to safely run and eat before they followed. Besides the donuts and milk, it was a great day. Saturday morning approaches and i know i have to put in extra workout because of the milk and donuts, im pumped and im ready to go. This Saturday i have two guest coming and an old faithful. My great friend and co-worker Sonia, and my friend and former co-worker Amanda. Yall know krista! lol. I pull up to the restaurant, Sonia followed us so thats where we met. I could see the fear and nervousness in her eyes. She had gospel music blaring, and im sure some kind of anointing oil in her hand...lol. Sonia follows us, as we go to pick Amanda up. When Amanda gets there i again see the fear and nervousness in her eyes. We pull up to Versus, which is a familiar place to me, but to them they were like " THIS IS THE GYM". Yes this is the gym, if you want lock-jaw just rub up against that rusty grill, which still has not been moved. (2nd time Steve). We all get out of the car and its dead silence for a while, i can physically see Sonia go back to a little girl on her first day of school. Amanda is just nervously smiling, that's what they do up north. Krista is looking like an Alum and is plotting out which girl she wants to beat. Our fearless leader Steve is leading the workout, so i start to get nervous. Steve has been known to do some crazy stuff from what i hear, i was eagerly awaiting Nathans arrival. Just like a king, he rides in on his white horse to rescue me ( its really a toyota, but basically the same thing). I felt more comfortable when i saw him. We did a great warm up, it was something new and exciting for me. Then comes the workout, the workout was a bitch for real this time. It consisted of 50 burpees, 50 situps, 50 squats, and 50 kettle bell swing. In between all that we had to run 400 meters. I was like this is cray. Cursed with this bum knee i could not run i had to run this horrible bike. I tried to run with everybody else, as i took off the principle(Steve) was like oh hell naw, you aint running with that knee, get on the bike. I was so upset i really wanted to run, ill be happy when i can run again. Amanda was a great partner to have, she was encouraging, skinny and fast. We completed our workout in 20 min and 33 seconds. At one point i looked off into the distance as i was dying peddling on this bike and saw Sonia running. I was so proud of her, i nver seen so much sweat in my life. Sonia was amazing and im so happy she did it. Megan Fri, came too, i told her if she didn't i would blog about it.  I was very excited to see her. I attempted to get the First Lady to come, she wouldn't budge, she said something about a test she had to study for, in two years, or was it Y2K as to why she couldn't come. LOL. It was an amazing Saturday workout.  Here are Sonia's and Amanda's Work-out Experience with Versus

SONIA( This is how i like to spell her name, its not how you spell it, but its how I spell it)

Thankful to have made it through...First time at Versus this morning with my friend Matt E. I pride myself on trying to work out and maintainin good health. Muscle conditioning and strength training has been my on and off companions for years. I have slacked off lately but just how much became apparent this morning. I completed the workout thanks to Krista but I thought I was dying. Apparently my near death experience was written all over my face because several people working out made me aware that this was an extra hard workout today. That made me feel better in spirit, but my thighs...that's an entirely different story. I was just about spent after the warmup but everyone was so encouraging and motivating that I had to keep it moving. Squats, burpees, sit-ups, jumping jacks and 400 meters....I did it. I just hope these noodles for thighs let me get up from this chair. Cardio........OMG! Kicks my butt everytime. I feel GREAT though. Thank you Matthew Emecheta and thank you Krista. I shall return.

Here is Amanda( Good Gravy)

Ok I am writing my post even before I shower. Nasty. Matthew told me to do it right away so I am. Hope you are happy! : ) I love to work out, seriously, I'm kinda weird. I do it at least 6 times a week. But I was still nervous about today. When I workout I usually workout to a video like P90X, or run on a treadmill. So being around lots of people and being told what to do was what had me nervous. I tried to step up my workouts this week, running more, and adding more push-ups and whatnot to try and prepare. All this prep work may have helped a little, but I WILL BE SORE tomorrow. My legs are killing me and I am ready for bed. Those kettle bell squat things did me in. We ran 400 meters in between kettle bell squat things, burpies, sit ups, and squats. I started running pretty strong the first couple of 400 meters and felt good, but toward the end I totally started slowing down. Needless to say I am happy to be home. It was hard, but I love how I feel now that its done. I feel accomplished. But like I said, ready for bed. : 

Forrest Gump

Good Afternoon,

Alright everybody we have hit a bump in the road. I have been working out so much, and trying to run this mile that i have slightly injured my knee. I went to the emergency room last night, my leg and knee were swollen. I was hoping the Dr. would say there was fluid around my knee or something extreme like that, but no fluid nothing extreme. I have been working my body in overtime and i needed some rest. I'm laying here in bed bored out of my mind with my leg elevated on ice. It has been the most boring morning of my life. All I can think about is working out. I missed my boot camp work out this morning, and its strange that I was so upset about it. I want to lose this weight so bad but i have to go about it the right way. Yesterday i got up early and went to the Payne Center. I wanted to start working on the mile run really hard. I have 18 days to get to this mile. When i get there i ask the little guy how many times around the track is a mile, he tells me 8. I still think he is wrong for some reason but i started stretching and running. As i was running two very emotional things happened. The first i was listening to Marvin Sap's song "More than a Conqueror", while running. I felt inspired because ive learned that you have to stay positive in anything that you set out to do. I want to lose so much weight, and i have so many things i want to do when i do, but it all takes time. I do know that i am more than a conqueror through him who loves me. I will accomplish this goal, it may take two years but ill do it. Having this knee injury is just a little road block but it wont stop me. Second i got emotional running thinking about Forrest Gump. I have watched this movie a 1,000 times and i can quote it from beginning to end. As im running im thinking about the scene when Forrest is a little boy, and the kids are making fun of him and throwing rocks. i started gaining weight around the 3rd grade, and kids always made fun of me for it. Luckily I had a powerful tongue, and could easily embarrass the shit out of them, but as i grew older the pain was masked. I remember this scene because Forrest had these braces on his legs, and he couldn't walk well. They didn't even want him sitting on the bus next to them, except for Jenny. When they started throwing the rocks jenny helped him up and told him to run. When he started running the braces started falling apart and were loosened from his legs. The braces falling from his legs is so symbolic for me. I have dealt with this weight for so long, and as i continue to run i can see the braces falling off. i can see the pain being loosened, and the joy being tightened. I imagine what Forrest was thinking as he was running for his life, he was scared, and not sure where to go. i do know one thing he always had jenny right there beside him. Im so thankful that i have so many jenny's by my side. Constantly encouraging me to run, and run faster. this journey has taken to a mental place that i thought i woudl never be at. A place of peace, confidence, and happiness. Normally around my birthday i get a little depressed, beacause i see all of my other friends success at this age. This year is a little different, im running, im like Forrest, and i wont stop until i get there. I don't know where "there" is but i know that's where im running. Thank you guys for being my Jenny and im so proud to be your Forrest.