The Night that the Lights went out at Sonic

Good Evening,

I feel so stupid. I thought that the boot camp started on Jan 17, but it actually started on Jan 10. This put me into a real panic, I'm not ready, i don't want to start yet, and i don't have the money yet. I count all trials as joy. I had to prepare some how for this nightmare I'm putting myself through. I'm sharing all of my deepest thoughts, wants, and desires with possibly the whole word. This in its self is a challenge. I'm so used to being such a hard ass and not opening up to many people. Who do i blame for this, my father Eddie. He was such a hard man to deal with, treated people like shit, treated me like shit, and only cared about himself. That's what i thought of him my whole life until he died. Me and my brother had the privilege of going to his apartment to "clean up" after he died. I expected to find a huge life insurance policy, loads of cash, some gold, and some nice clothes. What i found was myself in 40 years. We were the same person, thought the same way, acted the same way, folded our clothes the same way, cooked for 400 people even though it was for one. person the same way. All these years of ignoring him, i was really hurting myself not him. This person that i hated was myself. He taught me through his actions to trust no man. He taught me through is actions to open up to no man. He taught me through is actions to never let anyone walk over you. He taught me through his actions to always care about that might dollar bill. He taught me how to be him. I'm grateful for that lesson because i have the opportunity to turn things around. I don't have to be alone, mean, hateful, and sneaky. Its OK to love, its OK to share, its OK give. Papa thank you for teaching how to be a man. I wish i had learned that we were the same person 10 years ago, and I'm sure my life would be better. Life isn't destined to be a walk in the park. Life is more like climbing a mountain. Right now I'm in the valley ready to start the climb to victory. Wow i didn't mean to get all Dr. Phil on y'all. Tonight was my last night of freedom. The last night i got to eat what i wanted. I kinda feel like an inmate of death (def-for all my black friends lol) row. Eating my last meal alone. I sat there at the bar eating a fried country steak with white gravy, mashed potatoes with brown gravy, and two huge slices of Texas toast. As i started to eat it, i was like WAIT!, i should have went to sonic. Holy crap what was i thinking. My last night to eat unhealthy, and i choose a country fried steak, and not a super sonic double cheeseburger. My life is over as i know it, i should have went to sonic. either way i press on. Tonight the lights went out at Sonic, tonight they hung a fat man. Tomorrow my journey will start. I'm ready, prepared, and set to go. I will admit I'm a little nervous, but i know that will be calmed in the morning. I had the privilege of spending some much need quality time with a very intelligent person, and they told me to love your self, and be confident. Sorry Sonic see ya in 8 weeks!